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Government Wildebeest Urban and Suburban Relocation Programme

Bringing the Serengeti to your semi-detached

Beta This is a new service — your feedback will help us improve it. 2,847 wildebeest have been successfully integrated since we launched.

What you will need to provide

As a GWUSRP host, you are responsible for:

  • Access to quality British television (BBC One preferred; Channel 5 is strictly prohibited under Section 14B of your hosting agreement)
  • Adequate grass supply or government-approved wildebeest feed, available from most major supermarkets
  • A weekly “Treat Day” — Jammie Dodgers recommended, Garibaldi biscuits also acceptable
  • Daily completion of the Integration Progress Form (WB-INT-01), available as a carbon-neutral digital form
  • Immediate reporting of any concerning behaviour via the Wildebeest Concern Hotline (0800 111 9453)

‘We have not yet had to invoke Section 14B,’ notes Programme Director Hilary Tomkinson, ‘but we are prepared to. One household in Bridgend came very close. We found a Channel 5 programme saved on their planner. The wildebeest had already reported it before we did. They know. They always know.’

Hosts receive a weekly stipend of £127, paid in arrears, subject to standard government payment terms. This covers utilities, feed, and additional biscuit expenditure. Property damage is covered under Section 12B of your hosting agreement, with the exception of IKEA furniture, which even we consider disposable.

Give feedback

Thank you for your interest in providing feedback.

The GWUSRP feedback service is currently unavailable. This is because the team member responsible for processing feedback is presently dealing with a situation involving a Phase 3 wildebeest, a Waterstones membership card, and what the Cheltenham constabulary have described as ‘a disagreement about contemporary fiction.’ We are unable to provide further details at this time.

Your feedback is important to us. Please try again in 3 to 5 business years.

Service information