Accommodation standards for giraffes
All giraffe housing funded or approved under the Giraffe High-Rise Housing Project must meet the minimum standards set out below.
These standards were developed in consultation with the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, the Ministry of Housing, Communities and Local Government, and a zookeeper from Kettering who asked not to be named but who the Department considers ‘the country’s foremost authority on giraffe spatial preferences.’
The standards exist because giraffes do not cope well with standard British housing, which was designed for humans and has not previously needed to account for a 5-metre neck. The Department accepts that this was an oversight.
Minimum requirements
| Requirement | Standard | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Minimum ceiling height (ground floor) | 5.2 metres | Non-negotiable |
| Minimum ceiling height (upper floors) | 4.8 metres | Giraffes do not typically go upstairs but like the option |
| Window height | From 3 metres | Ground-floor windows are ‘wasted on a giraffe’ |
| Skylight access | Mandatory | Giraffes are ‘fundamentally upward-oriented’ |
| Door width | 1.8 metres | Wider than standard; horns are wider than you think |
| Garden access | Preferred | For neck stretching |
| Staircase width | 2.2 metres | If applicable; giraffes navigate stairs poorly but with determination |
| Kitchen ceiling height | 5.5 metres | Giraffes enjoy observing food preparation from a height that the Department considers ‘unusual but not unreasonable’ |
| Bathtub | Not required | Giraffes do not bathe in the conventional sense. The Department does not wish to discuss giraffe hygiene. |
| Television | Required, mounted at 4 metres minimum | Giraffes prefer BBC One but will tolerate ITV in the afternoons |
Retrofitting existing properties
Property owners wishing to retrofit an existing building for giraffe use should be aware that most British housing stock is profoundly unsuitable. The Department recommends consulting a structural engineer before attempting to house a giraffe in a property built before 1960, as the ceilings will almost certainly be inadequate and the giraffe will notice.
Common retrofitting measures include:
- removing lower-level ceilings entirely and extending upward into the roof space
- installing skylights at a minimum of 4.5 metres to ensure adequate upward orientation
- widening all internal and external doorways to 1.8 metres, which in practice means removing the doorframe and part of the surrounding wall
- raising kitchen work surfaces to a height of 2.5 metres, which the Department acknowledges is ‘impractical for humans but the giraffe is the priority’
Planning permission
Planning permission is required for all giraffe housing conversions. Local planning authorities have been issued with guidance on processing giraffe-related applications, although the Department accepts that most planning officers will be encountering this for the first time.
Applications should include:
- structural survey confirming ceiling heights meet the minimum standards
- photographic evidence of skylight access
- a statement from a qualified giraffe housing officer confirming the property is suitable
- neighbour notification, as nearby residents should be prepared for sustained observation from an unusual height
Applications can be submitted to the local planning authority in the usual manner. The Department recommends including a brief explanatory note, as applications for ‘giraffe housing’ without context have historically been ‘misinterpreted as a filing error.’
Properties that are not suitable
The following property types have been assessed and found unsuitable for giraffe housing:
| Property type | Reason |
|---|---|
| Studio flats | Ceiling height, floor area, and ‘general unsuitability’ |
| Terraced houses (pre-war) | Ceiling height, staircase width, and ‘the giraffe would not fit through the front door without significant modification, which would compromise the structural integrity of the terrace’ |
| Bungalows | The Department considers bungalows ‘conceptually incompatible’ with giraffe housing |
| Narrowboats | The Department is surprised this needs to be stated |
| Second-floor flats and above | Access arrangements ‘have not been resolved’ |
If your property is not listed above, this does not mean it is suitable. It means the Department has not yet assessed it. The Department recommends assuming it is unsuitable until proven otherwise.