Frequently asked questions

No. Direct negotiations between private citizens and foxes are not recognised under the Geneva Fox Protocol and are strongly discouraged by the Department.

The prohibition was introduced following the Kettering Sandwich Incident of 2023, in which a resident of Kettering, D.W., attempted to negotiate a bin access arrangement with a local fox over a series of Marks & Spencer sandwiches. The fox accepted the sandwiches but did not comply with the terms. The resident continued to supply sandwiches for seven weeks before contacting the Corps in what staff described as “a state of considerable distress.”

The fox has not returned the sandwiches. The Department considers this a closed matter.

All UFDC-registered foxes wear a small tag issued by the Corps. The tag is metallic, approximately 15mm in diameter, and bears the Corps' emblem (a fox sitting on a wheelie bin, rendered in what the design team describes as “the best we could manage”).

If you cannot see a tag, the fox may still be a diplomat. The foxes have a complicated relationship with their tags. Several have “lost” them. The Corps considers this “operationally creative.”

A fox in Bath was found to have buried its tag in a flower bed. When confronted, the fox produced a tag that appeared to belong to a different fox. The Corps has described this as “resourceful but unhelpful.”

Under Article 3 of the Geneva Fox Protocol, foxes may not enter dwellings. If a fox has entered your house, it is either a diplomatic incident or a very confident fox. Contact the Corps immediately.

Do not offer the fox a seat. The fox will not leave.

Do not offer the fox food. See the Kettering Sandwich Incident.

Do not attempt to physically remove the fox. The fox interprets this as a negotiation and you will lose.

The Corps' recommended procedure is to leave the back door open, retire to another room, and wait. The fox will leave when it is ready, which the Corps defines as “at some point, eventually, probably.”

No. UFDC foxes are provided with government-standard rations, which are formulated to meet the nutritional requirements of an active diplomat and are, the Department is assured, “perfectly adequate.”

A fox in Nuneaton was previously fed Marks & Spencer sandwiches by a resident who was “just being polite.” The fox now refuses government rations. The Department considers this a diplomatic incident. The Hadrian Institute, which oversees Corps logistics in the Midlands, has described the situation as “the single greatest challenge to Corps discipline since the cheese incident.”

The fox's handler has attempted to reintroduce government rations on 12 separate occasions. The fox has declined each time. The fox has also been observed sitting outside the Nuneaton Marks & Spencer in what the Corps describes as “an implied request.”

See Article 6 of the Geneva Fox Protocol, also known as the Cat Clause.

The foxes' official position on cats is “no comment.” The cats' official position on the foxes is also “no comment.” Both parties appear to be satisfied with this arrangement.

The Corps has not attempted to involve cats in any diplomatic process. The Corps will not attempt to involve cats in any diplomatic process. The Corps has issued a standing instruction that “the cats are to be left to their own devices, as they always have been and always will be.”

The Corps appoints ambassadors based on “presence, commitment, and the ability to maintain unbroken eye contact for over 10 seconds.” The selection process takes 6 months. The foxes are not told they are being assessed.

Several ambassadors have expressed surprise at their appointment, although the Corps describes their reactions as “performative.”

The assessment process involves a team of Corps observers monitoring candidate foxes over a sustained period. Criteria include frequency of garden visits, quality of eye contact, response to council presence, and what the assessment framework terms “general aura.” No fox has ever applied for the role. The Corps considers this “how it should be.”

Yes. Complaints can be submitted to the Corps through the Fox Diplomatic Hotline (0800 111 FOXD) or in writing to the Chief Fox Negotiator.

The standard response time is 28 days. The fox will be informed of your complaint. The fox will not respond to your complaint. The fox will remember your complaint.

The Corps received 347 complaints in the last financial year. Of these, 312 related to noise, 22 related to bin access, 8 related to garden occupation, 4 related to “staring,” and 1 related to a fox that had reportedly joined a parish council meeting and refused to leave. The Corps investigated all complaints and upheld none of them, citing “the foxes' position.”

This information is classified.

What we can confirm is that cheese was involved, that the cheese was a mature cheddar, and that negotiations were suspended for 45 minutes while “the situation was addressed.”

The foxes have declined to comment. The humans have also declined to comment. The cheese is no longer available for comment.

Minutes from the relevant session have been sealed for 50 years under Section 12 of the Wildlife Diplomacy Act 2019. The only surviving note from the session, written in the margin of the official record by an unidentified delegate, reads: “We will not speak of this again.”

The Corps does not comment on questions of this nature. If you require confirmation of the Corps' operational status, please submit a written request to the Chief Fox Negotiator. Please note that the Chief Fox Negotiator has not responded to a written request since 2021, when they received an enquiry they described as “the wrong question.”

The foxes have declined to confirm or deny anything. The cheese remains classified.