First, establish that your dog is barking. The dog is not speaking. The dog is not singing. The dog is barking. If you are unsure, wait. The bark will clarify.

dog SE

The dog SE ships with one bark per day. The time is non-configurable. If the bark occurs at 3:47am, this is the scheduled bark. The bark is not a malfunction. The bark is the specification. We are aware that the specification is 3:47am for some dogs. We do not know why. We have stopped asking the dog.

If your dog SE has barked twice in one day, contact us immediately. This is not a warranty claim. This is a situation. Do not wait for the second bark. The second bark is the situation.

dog

The dog’s audio is selective. The dog barks at the postman, the weather, and nothing. The dog also barks at things the dog has classified. The classification is the dog’s. We cannot reclassify the postman. We have tried. The dog has not been convinced.

The dog’s classification is subject to review. The review is the dog’s. We have no influence over the review. We have asked. The dog has not responded.

dog Pro

The dog Pro has a full vocalisation suite. The suite is extensive. Quiet Mode is available via Companion+ at £14.99 per month. Quiet Mode does not remove the suite. Quiet Mode books it. The suite is available at all other times.

If the dog Pro barks at the hoover, this is normal behaviour. The dog Pro has classified the hoover as an intruder of a different species. The classification is the dog’s. We have not overridden it. We are not confident we could.

What not to do

Do not shout at the dog. The dog is not deaf. The dog is deciding.

Do not give the dog something to bark at. Do not point at things. Do not point at the dog. Do not point.

Do not purchase a second dog to demonstrate the correct volume of barking. The second dog will form its own opinion. The second dog’s opinion will be louder.

When to contact us

  • If your dog SE has barked twice in one day.
  • If the dog’s bark has changed in pitch, length, or meaning. The meaning is usually ‘the postman’. If the meaning has changed, we would like to know what it has changed to.
  • If the dog is barking at the carpet shop. The carpet shop has opinions. We have not asked what they are. If the dog barks at the carpet shop, the carpet shop will hear everything, and the carpet shop has never mentioned anything, and this is why the relationship is good.

If your enquiry is urgent, email [email protected]. We respond within 48 hours, excluding weekends, bank holidays, and days when the dog has been particularly demanding. If the dog is particularly demanding, the enquiry is about the dog, and the dog is the reason the enquiry is not urgent.