Questions and answers.

Yes. Canis familiaris. Biological materials throughout. DNA, cells, organs, the full architecture. We designed it with only the components necessary for domestic companionship, but everything in it is real dog. There is no synthetic substitute. There is no clever engineering workaround. The dog is a dog. It is simply a dog that has been thoughtfully specified.

No. Dog SE is a re-evaluation of what a dog needs, for a customer who needs less dog. It is also, plainly, the budget model, and we would rather say so than pretend otherwise. It has two legs. It stays where you put it. It barks once a day, at a time it chooses, to confirm it is still working. It does not come to you when you are sad, because it cannot reach you and does not know you are sad. If you want silence, or a dog that moves between rooms, or a dog that knows your name, those live further up the range. Dog SE is right-sized for a room and a budget. It is not right-sized for everyone.

Yes. Bipedal architecture. 35% smaller footprint. Eliminates hip dysplasia entirely, as the hip joints responsible for the condition have been removed from the specification. Dog SE stands upright. It sits. It can reposition itself slowly within a room — across a few feet, for reasons it does not share — but it is a stationary platform. It does not roam. It does not pace. It does not follow you into the next room. It cannot run, jump, or chase. Our research indicates that 78% of dog owners do not want their dog to run, jump, or chase. The remaining 22% should consider the dog or dog Pro.

We didn’t start with a conventional dog and remove things. We started with the requirements for domestic companionship and added only what was necessary. The result looks like a dog with fewer components because a domestic companionship environment requires fewer components than an outdoor hunting and survival environment. The components that are not present were never installed. Nothing was removed. Nothing is missing. Dog SE is complete as delivered.

Yes, but not on the cheap model, and not for free. Dog SE produces a Status Bark once a day that cannot be disabled — we did not install the full barking module, but we did install one inexpensive acoustic unit, and it uses it. The standard dog barks when it decides to. Only dog Pro can be made silent, through Companion+ Quiet Mode (£14.99/month). Silence is a premium service. We are aware that this is an unusual thing to charge for. We are also a company, above a carpet shop, and silence turns out to be expensive to guarantee.

Loyalty is included with dog Pro and available as an optional add-on for the dog and dog SE. Without loyalty, the dog coexists with you. It is aware of your presence. It does not distinguish you from other presences. With loyalty, the dog demonstrates recognition behaviours when you enter a room. It knows you. It prefers you. It will wait for you. Whether this constitutes love is a philosophical question that we are not equipped to answer. We are a company. Above a carpet shop. In Nuneaton. We sell dogs. The loyalty module works. What you call it is your business.

Standard dog food, available from any shop that sells dog food. Dog SE requires approximately 40% less food than a conventional dog. Dog Pro requires approximately 20% more. Do not feed dog SE the same quantity as dog Pro. Dog SE will eat it. Dog SE will then be unwell. This is not covered by the warranty. The warranty covers manufacturing defects. Overfeeding a bipedal dog with a reduced metabolic profile is not a manufacturing defect. It is a reading comprehension issue. The feeding guidelines are printed on the documentation. They are also available on our website. They are not long.

Yes. 14-day return window. The dog must be returned in its original condition: alive, clean, and with all components present. Modified dogs are subject to a 25% restocking fee. Dogs with the loyalty module activated may complicate the return process, as the dog will recognise you when you attempt to leave it at our office above the carpet shop. In practice, loyalty returns are largely theoretical. Our records show three attempts and no completions, which we attribute to the product rather than the policy.

Yes. Place food nearby. If the food disappears within 24 hours, dog SE is functioning normally. If the food does not disappear, contact support. We will send a replacement dog and a pamphlet about realistic expectations.

That is outside our product range. The cat already runs the most efficient architecture in domestic animals. It sleeps 16 hours a day, grooms itself, and uses a designated waste facility. There is nothing to remove. There is nothing to optimise. The cat is the final form. We respect this. We also find it threatening.

Companion Systems. Registered in England and Wales. Our office is above a carpet shop in Nuneaton called Comfort Underfoot. They are very nice about the stairs. The carpet shop has a website. The website has a phone number. We answered it once. The person on the other end asked if we sold actual dogs. We said yes. They hung up. We consider this market validation.

DogConnect is our network membership for connected dogs. From £4.99/month, your dog is assigned a Network ID and connected to the nearest enrolled dogs in your region. Every connection generates social capital. Every 100 days, that social capital is converted into a Connectivity Dividend — a new dog, delivered to your home at no additional cost. Compatible with dog SE, dog, and dog Pro. Enrolment takes approximately four minutes and can be completed on the DogConnect page. The technical paper is available there as well. It is eight pages. We recommend reading it before enrolling.

No. We have been asked this before. The Government Wildebeest Relocation Programme is a separate entity that deals with wildebeest. We deal with dogs. The two are not related, despite both involving animals, Nuneaton, and a degree of public confusion about what the government is doing with animals in the West Midlands. We are a private company. The wildebeest programme is a government service. We do not relocate wildebeest. We do not know who does. We have not asked. We do not want to know.