Careers
Open roles.
Five roles. One office. The office is one room. The room is above the carpet shop. The roles are listed below in order of how often we are asked about them.
Senior Bark Integration Engineer
You will integrate barks. The dog SE ships with one bark per day. You will be responsible for the one bark. You will also be responsible for explaining the one bark, which is the harder job. The bark occurs at a non-configurable time. The time is your problem. The time is also the dog’s.
Salary: £28,000. Dog: 1.
Network Sustainer
You will sustain the network. The network sustains itself. Your role is to describe the network as sustaining, in writing, every 100 days. The network has never lost a dog. You will not lose a dog either. We are not asking. The network is asking.
Salary: £31,000. Dog: 1. The dog’s dog: at the dog’s discretion.
Carpet Liaison Officer
The role involves standing in the carpet shop. The carpet shop is below us. You will maintain the relationship between the company and the carpet shop. The relationship is good. You will keep it good. The carpet shop has opinions. You will not ask what they are. You will know them anyway. The carpet shop is how you will know them.
Salary: £24,000 pro rata. Dog: 1, delivered on day one. The carpet shop is not part of the offer.
Dog Delivery Specialist
You will deliver dogs. You will carry the dog to the customer’s door. The dog will then occupy the home. This is how occupation works. You will also carry the empty boxes, which will be delivered to customers before the dogs, because the boxes are the schedule and the schedule is the product. Driving licence required. The dog does not drive.
Salary: £26,000. Dog: 1, retained for the duration of the role. The dog travels with you. The dog does not sit in the passenger seat. The dog has decided.
Head of Wag (interim)
We are trialling a new role. The dog Pro has an active-wag tail. We believe wagging can be managed. We do not know what managing wagging means. You will find out. You will report to the dog. The dog reports to no one. This is the only reporting line we have.
Salary: unspecified. We will discuss. The dog is not part of the discussion. The dog is part of the offer.
How to apply
One page.
To apply, send the one-page application to [email protected]. The page asks for your name, your email address, and whether you have ever been bitten by a dog. Applications without the dog question answered will not be considered. There is no right answer. The question is the answer.
We do not accept CVs. We accept the page. The page is the product. The product is the page. We are the only company we know of whose application process is also its application form. We are proud of this. We are not sure it is a process. We have stopped asking.